"You didn't cheat enough on Friday, now you REALLY need to cheat - YES that cheese, YES those chips, NO SALAD!!!! You're cheating, do it right, you may never get to eat fries again!"
"Are you REALLY gluten intolerant Alicia? Or is it in your head? Don't you want to test it out again...just to make sure?"
"Well, now you've wasted a whole weekend cheating, you've likely undone all of the hard work that you did last week within two days - might as well make it a third. Mondays suck anyway"
"You're in a HURRY! McDonalds is your ONLY option!!! GO GO GO!!!"
(side note: I ate there 2 times yesterday, GROSS!)
(side note: I ate there 2 times yesterday, GROSS!)
Not long after those voices die down yet another one makes it's way into my head:
"See, I told you you couldn't do it. You look the same, nothing has changed, just give up already"
That last one is the hardest to hear. Despite losing 70 pounds I still don't fully BELIEVE that I can lose another 20...stupid right? I feel like even at my fittest I was still "fat." I feel like I can't ever truly shake that feeling of being the "fat girl." I weighed 165lbs a few years back, my lowest weight. I was a size 10 and looking back - I looked HOT. A little old Italian man stopped me once when I was on my way into a store to check me out and made that "delicious" hand motion....I laughed. He must have been crazy or blind, I thought.
I always laugh. It's like my own terribly degrading inside joke.
2 comments:
Sometimes I laugh because I'm hiding the tears I don't want ppl to see.
Changing your mind is even more of a challenge than changing your body. You can't see the changes you are making, but one day you realize you are thinking differently. I recommend some positive affirmations that you say out loud. It may seem silly (as step is silly or weight lifting or using a treadmill might be silly though it is now socially acceptable). Find some positive statement...let me start with "Alicia, YOU are Beautiful!" Emphasize the YOU. Say it out loud to yourself in the mirror. "Alicia, YOU are STRONG!" Look back on what you have accomplished...feel the changes in your body...see what you can do now that you couldn't do before. "Alicia!!!! YOU are Loved!." You have inspired and are inspiring people in your life who you come in contact with everyday. Your smile is contagious. Keep shining. And tell yourself the truth. You are great! Say it out loud!
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