Phase 3....the cycle unravels

So last week I hit phase three of my fitness cycle. 

Just to remind you, steps 1 and 2 are as follows: 

1. Wait miserably through what feels like fitness hell and healthy eating torture while not one ounce of love          handle appears to budge.

2. Become inVINCible....or at least feel invincible when you start to see subtle changes, this is a precarious       stage because it can quickly fold into a, "I'm good right here" attitude followed by a, "who cared in the first      place" mantra...to avoid this detour is to truly begin down this enlightened path. 

Now onto last week's snag. 

3. Become NEUROTIC - truly, down to the last calorie. 

I've been tracking again through MyFitnessPal.com. I love it because it allows me to casually track things throughout the day and provides data ongoing about my eating patterns, my fibre/protein/carb intake and a minute by minute view of my day in terms of how many calories in and how many out...based on a goal of course. 

However, having just come from the invincibility stage and glowing with it's warmth, I begin to allow small thoughts to change my healthy patterns into NOT so healthy patterns. 

It's totally healthy to lose about 2lbs a week. In fact it is PROVEN that if you lose at a small weekly increment you are more likely to keep the weight off in the long run. Pushing your body through large weight loss increments affects your metabolism negatively as well as causing your body to react to the lack of carbohydrates by exhibiting symptoms like headaches, nausea, dizziness, and exhaustion. If you can make it through those symptoms to the big "Hurrah!" you will be dissapointed to find that the weight begins to quickly creep back on when normal eating habits resume. 

I say all that because I think it is important to let you know that I KNOW....but there's something about being able to control your weight loss pound for pound each day by taking late night trips to the gym, skipping out on a snack or pushing my body through exhaustion to burn that last 200 calories (so that I can eat more on the weekend, says my foolish inner voice). 

I've long since stopped intentionally gorging myself on the weekend (though it's a hard habit to break and I love food), but I've replaced a relaxed sense of freedom on weekends with a neurotic effort all week long. Gotta make the weekly total!! It feels so good to CONTROL my calorie intake/output. It feels so good to see the quick changes as my tummy starts to slim down and my pants fit a bit looser. 

So I fight for a balance. Every day. 

Haven't decided yet, but stage 4 in this battle may just be exhaustion and self preservation. I'll let you know as the days go on. 

Thanks for reading, all the best to you as you unravel your patterns and seek balance in your life! 

Namaste :) 

Speaking of invincibility

I wish I were invincible. 
As it stands, I would even take invincible will power. 

Last time I wrote a little bit about my fitness cycle, let me elaborate:
The cycle starts with that slow "never-gonna-end" kind of stage...

1. I'm eating well but I still feel like a fat kid
2. I'm exercising, but what's the point? 
3. I have goals, but the scale doesn't seem to want to play nicely. 

Then I head into the invincible stage. 
Now what does that look like? 

1. People start to notice/comment on my progress
2. I start to notice my own progress (in that order)
3. Clothes start to fit differently
4. I'm in a "groove" with eating
5. I FEEL healthy and strong and fit. 
6. MOST CHARACTERISTIC: I feel like I've never been anything but fit and healthy. 

What often happens when I'm deep enough into this stage is: 

I GIVE UP!!!!

Self fulfilling prophecy: I can't do this, I'll never be able to do this. 

and begins the cycle of guilt. 

Sometimes recognizing patterns is the most helpful way to make a different choice. 

So because I recognize this pattern I've been taking it day by day, or at least week by week. 
I pack my lunches and think about lunches one day ahead. 
I go to the gym and burn a few hundred extra calories when I know I'm going "out"
I recognize that even though I ate 1.5 days worth of extra calories on the weekend - every day is a new day and if I live in the guilt of yesterday I will only ever achieve the results of yesterday's choices. 

Head up. Keep moving. Do what you can. 

Food is my greatest battle. Some days I win, some days I lose. 
Whatever happens, don't give up. 

The Slow Part of the Road

You may have noticed that I have lost a bit of steam over the last few months. 

Reasons for this change have included: 

1. Sense of dissapointment in self - not meeting goals

2. Less time to commit to blogging (or do anything else in life)

No apologies to make. Just a few thoughts that have been floating in this brain as of late. Take them for what they are. 

The question I have asked myself (over and over) is WHY?

Why do I fail to stick with my goals? 

Why do I work my ass off just to turn around and head back to the beginning again? 

Why is life so hard *whine* *whine* *whine*?!?!

lol. That last question was really all for comedy. But seriously. 

I heard somewhere the other day that telling someone about your goals can actually release the same "acheivement" endorphins in your brain as actually getting there. (Wish I had some credible website to quote here, but it is just as likely to have been the John Tesh Radio show...reallllly credible source, you know?)

Credible or not, this made me really question how helpful this blog has been to me (as I found myself in a loop of setting goals and watching myself fail). I can see in myself how it could be true. I recognize the feeling of lift or release when talking to someone about goals and being affirmed in my desires to achieve those goals. 

I'm going to go for a run tonight - can be a promise or a way to seek accountability...it can also be the beginning of a long night of guilt when I feel too lazy or too tired to get my butt out the door. 

I have been reflecting on my first steps into the world of fitness. What made me so successful that time around? Could it be that I only really told one person what I was doing? Could it be that I quietly tracked my progress by hand each day? Could it be that I wasn't working 60 hours a week? No one thing really captures the full picture. 

Suffice to say it has not felt as easy this time around. The same 30 pounds are hanging around like an unwelcome house guest, convincing me at every turn that I should further extend the arms of hospitality rather than lose my cool and show them where the door is. 

I'm in the first 2-4 weeks of effort now. These are the slow weeks. The weeks where nothing feels like it's going to work, no amount of effort makes me feel like I've done enough, and every bite above that calorie goal makes me feel like a fat kid. (These are also the weeks of late night gym trips - trying to fix all the mistakes of the day). If I can get through this first part of the journey I know what comes next - The invincible stage...I'm terrified. Can I break through misconceived invincibility to make it to the next road? Do I even know the way anymore? 

No lofty goals - every day is a new day. Gotta make them all count for something.

Happy Weekending Friends!

Hey Look! A Bandwagon!!

New Years, New Goals...New potential for failure? 

Yes.

Is it enough of a potential for me to just forgo this opportunity to pull my S&*# together and get back in shape?

No. 

Do I regret that it sometimes takes something so cliche and unfortunate as New Years Resolutions to get me back on the bandwagon? 

Yes.

That being said. Clothes are too tight, every shirt I wear makes me look like I'm trying to get something for free and my booty is beginning to regain it's own gravitational pull. Enough is enough. 

For a bit of day-by-day inspiration take a look at this young woman's 100 day journey. 
100 days. Could you do it? Could I? 
Guess I better grab a calendar! 

Onward and upward Friends! 

Tough....or at least trying...

So *ALL NEW IN ALICIA'S FITNESS LIFE* 

Tough Mudder training program. 
I hesitate to spend too much time talking about it, for fear that you will pressure me into actually doing this. 
But the workout is crazy intense, and makes me think I could eventually become invincible. 

Something happened to me on Saturday morning. It's not often that I have these moments, but somewhere between thinking that I might not make it through a whole Group Power class (about mid-way through the warm up), and the third track (chest)...

I did a push up. 
I did a bunch of push ups. 
I did enough push ups to prove to myself that I could do it. 
and it felt good. 

So, why not push it a bit farther? 
My dear friend (and fellow crazy) is training to participate in the 2014 September Tough Mudder. 
I have not yet committed to doing this, but I HAVE committed to the training. 
At least until I become god-like and un-stoppable (or I die). 
Tonight was workout #2 on this program. 
I'll keep you posted.

Wish me luck ;)

This princess is nearly a queen...

Halloween - the one day every year that I get up a little bit early to don the perfect princess hairstyle and put on my prettiest dress to match my tiara. 

It's a tradition. 

Tiara wearing of course is not reserved just for Halloween. My birthday is the other day of the year that I pull the tiara out of storage and take on my true form, princess Alicia. 

Over the years I've been many kinds of princesses. Princess in a flowing gown, hippie princess, Sailor Moon...the list goes on. Judge me as you will, but there is something about giving in to the gender stereotypes and living the castle-dwelling dream for one day that makes the whole world feel right. Like I could do anything. 

This year I got dressed in the dark. Typical well-practised bouffant hairstyle, sparkles on the cheeks, a little extra attention to the eye make up, and of course the crinoline under the skirt to really drive it home. It wasn't until just before noon that I had the chance to look at the whole costume in the mirror. 

That's when I noticed something different...

That fresh dewy princess face that typically greets me all day Halloween was replaced by a face that seemed to resemble a princess who was just about past her prime; A spoiled Peach, a Cinderella in Hush Puppies. The face that looked back at me closer resembled...a queen....

Suddenly I was struck by the meagre length of my skirt...was it inappropriate?

I was weighed down by the responsibilities. My mind quickly went to that salad in my lunch bag with the carefully measured feta cheese and closely tracked calorie count...

Am I turning into a "mature adult"?

MY TIME's NOT UP!! I haven't even had the chance to have a MASQUERADE BALL YET!!!! 

Heavy Stuff.

So I went back to my desk and cracked open a couple of candy wrappers. Just enough wrapper jingling and to take my mind off the mirror and put me back in the festive mood; The sweet melting bubbles of the Aero bar somewhat spoiled by the thought of laugh lines taking over my smooth sparkly cheeks...

Mirror, Mirror on the wall - WHAT THE HELL HAPPENED!?!? 

So for all you princesses and queens out there. All my love and lots of chocolate. We can get through this together ;)

Blogging and tweeting...what would your grandmother think?

How do people stay engaged? Is tweeting the future of connection? Words and codes strung together to both draw people in and push people out. #whouseshashtagsanyway? 

I've recently been trying to move and shake (or at least stutter and quiver) in the Twitter world...I have a loose understanding of what is acceptable, and I have an equally (perhaps greater) loose grasp on what is relevant and interesting. My youth would likely loudly and enthusiastically tell you just how lame and old I'm getting. But in the Twitter world age doesn't matter and we are all relevant in some way (regardless of what those young hooligans may tell us). 

Trouble is, much like blogging and any other social media "engagement," it takes TIME. It takes me opening up twitter every morning to catch up on what my followed personalities or businesses have been saying, keeping the window open for most of the day to catch up on what else is "trending." Perhaps logging on to my twitter app on my phone throughout the day, or getting notifications to my email. 

Not only that, but much of the content is biased. We all have an angle or an agenda. The biggest difference is likely in the opportunity to share, engage and respond which is not as easily accessible with typical news sources. 

All that being said, I'm realizing that it's impossible, without serious investment of time, to keep my finger on the pulse of the Waterloo Region. But I'm closer now to understanding it than I have ever been. Is that thanks to Twitter? 

While "blog" and "tweet" may sound to previous generations like lingo with a likely dark or inappropriate edge, we have come to understand these terms in light of their possibility; A connection to our wider world and an opportunity to learn and share. So here I go, back into the melting pot of social media. 

So how do YOU stay engaged? 

Oops, gotta run - 11 new tweets just popped up!