Fat Girl inside

Hey Folks, how are you doing? 

I have to admit I have been on a bit of a mental vacation. 

Between lapses in brain waves and my laptop barely scraping through life one breath at a time...my blogging has been somewhat deficient lately...

Not just the blogging mind you. The eating, and the exercising, and the generally being healthy....has also been deficient. 

I shouldn't say that...I did have a couple of good days. At least I worked out a couple of times...it was a vacation after all...So why is it that I am left here on the first day after vacation with a bag of chips in my hands and a brownie recently swallowed? 

I blame the fat chick. 

Deep down inside of me there is a fat chick just BEGGING to be let out. If I let my guard down for ONE minute she pokes her *&$%#@! head out and devours everything in her path. She's lazy, she's tired, she's full of excuses and she is RUINING MY LIFE!!!!! At least my wardrobe...

So I'm back at 'er tomorrow. Swallowing back the urge to finish this bag of chips. 
Lunch is packed. Workouts planned. #prayforme

So we're down to once a week eh?

Hello Friends! 

Any other bloggers out there find their frequency waxing and waning on the blog-o-sphere? I'm still around, and still DOIN STUFF!!! 

So good news bears - 10lbs!!!! (that is, if that number can hold through this long weekend's fun)

How? 

1. worked out EVERY DAY, except 2 (Sunday, Monday) 
I did eat out a couple of times, big ticket items too (calorie wise) and then countered the calorie overload with an hour or so of cardio...
2. Ate with a mind to calories-in calories-out every day (with a goal of about 1300 calories/day)

Other good news? I've basically recovered from a calf strain and additional nonsense from the past couple of weeks and was able to start running again this week! What a relief. I hate cardio, but I especially hate not-running cardio. I mean, I can't go anywhere on an elliptical, and I get bored easily. 

So perhaps I will be able to get back to saving the world from Zombies in: Zombies Run!  :)

So there's your check in - have a fantastic Canada Weekend everyone who is celebrating, and good luck with this short work week!!

Looking forward to seeing lots of folks next weekend at the PIG ROAST!!! It's always good times!!! 

Hello from the right path

Jungle avoided another day...
Mental health in tact...
Busy week...
Beautiful wedding on Saturday (in a dress that I loved!)...
Ready for another week!

How did last week go for you? Goals set, achievements?  

Making plans for this week 

1. Home made iced tea to avoid any sugary drinks
2. New rule - Piece of fruit or vegetable at every meal
3. Bought some sexy looking Tilapia for supper this week, looking forward to a change from chicken!

Goal - 2lbs (I can do it)

What's your goal for this week? What will be different? How do YOU wanna live your life? 

Lost in the diet jungle again...

So I fell pray to the quick fix Dragon again this week...

Here's the moment: 

Roll into Mom's sewing room to try on the dress I was planning to wear this weekend so she could shorten it, and she strains to zip the dress up all the way to the top...suddenly, I realize that last time I wore this dress was 10lbs ago....Ugh....

Now, it did up pretty snug-ly, more snug-ly than before...and a bit of extra strain on an invisible zipper tends to leave you with a bare back and a red face....Probably not the impression i want to make at someone elses wedding... this is when that ugly voice in the back of my head says: "You could lose that in a week..." 

REALLY!!?!?! REALLY ALICIA!?!?! 10lbs!?!?  

So I've lost 5lbs so far on this soup diet/"cleanse" which is basically = not eating  - AND I HAVE BEEN MISERABLE!!!!! 

So in the height of my misery I happened across a BBQ potluck at the Y where the youth were more than willing to share their treats, chips, burgers and delicious junk with me....a couple of them even brought over the cookies and handed them to me...so I caved. I took that first bite of chocolate macaroon and it was over. Terrible guilt ensued...

Is it really worth it? Is it worth not being able to focus on anything at work because your stomach is grumbling? Is it worth snapping at your coworker for no good reason? Is it worth that mid-day dizzy spell? NO! 

"Crash" diet, adequately named, does just that....leaves you grumpy, hungry, bitter and in a pile on the ground for as long as you can bear it until finally you give up, open up your mouth and fill it. *hello all you fellow emotional eaters out there* When I'm hungry I get grumpy, when I'm grumpy I get sad, when I'm sad I EAT TOO MUCH!  

So again, I affirm for you through my continued lunacy, that diets are bullshit. Pure, foul, bullshit. 

But I have to admit, I'm charmed every time. 

Challenge of the week

Hey Guys Gals and other kinds of folks :) 

Welcome to your Sunday night- the week is about to begin. 

Usually I get to Sunday night and I think, "GUH, what happened to my weekend?? I'm exhausted!" and then sit on the couch all night until it's time to go to bed...Now, while I'm still thinking that (and I may be writing this from the couch...), I'm also thinking: "Somethings gotta give, I don't want to be careening through Monday with a hamburger in my hand and zero opportunities to be active. I need to make a plan, how will I be my best tomorrow? How can I be my best this week?" 

So let's make a plan. 

Tomorrow is a "normal" day for me - no running like crazy, typical hours, nothing out of the ordinary. 

I'll be eating breakfast at home 

I'll be bringing my lunch - salad with ham and boiled eggs, cherries, 2 mini plumcots and sunflower seeds to munch on (check my MyFitnessPal diary to keep me accountable!)

Supper will also be at home - Maybe some Epicure Wedges, salad and a steamer chicken breast....mmmm....Perhaps tomorrow is a soup day...

I'm also going to make up someGillian Michaels Detox Water to drink tomorrow and all week. 

Cardio tomorrow will be a mix of Elliptical and Stairs - goal - between 400-500 calories burned 

Tomorrows goal: Start the week off right - no cheating
This Week's Goal: Be active and have a plan for each day, focus - one day at a time!!! 

New self honesty goal (I've been practicing this since Tuesday): log everything I eat in MyFitnessPal - even if it's bad, and even on a cheat day

WHAT'S YOUR PLAN??????

Need some inspiration? Check out this video on YouTube, one of the best "scientific" perspective on weight loss I've seen in awhile! Cool series actually, if you're a YouTube junkie like me ;)

HA HA HA...okay, I lied

What the heck are those voices in my head anyway? Maybe you can help me identify the culprits, here's what they say: 

"You didn't cheat enough on Friday, now you REALLY need to cheat - YES that cheese, YES those chips, NO SALAD!!!! You're cheating, do it right, you may never get to eat fries again!" 

"Are you REALLY gluten intolerant Alicia? Or is it in your head? Don't you want to test it out again...just to make sure?"

"Well, now you've wasted a whole weekend cheating, you've likely undone all of the hard work that you did last week within two days - might as well make it a third. Mondays suck anyway"

"You're in a HURRY! McDonalds is your ONLY option!!! GO GO GO!!!"
(side note: I ate there 2 times yesterday, GROSS!)

Not long after those voices die down yet another one makes it's way into my head: 

"See, I told you you couldn't do it. You look the same, nothing has changed, just give up already" 

That last one is the hardest to hear. Despite losing 70 pounds I still don't fully BELIEVE that I can lose another 20...stupid right? I feel like even at my fittest I was still "fat." I feel like I can't ever truly shake that feeling of being the "fat girl."  I weighed 165lbs a few years back, my lowest weight. I was a size 10 and looking back - I looked HOT. A little old Italian man stopped me once when I was on my way into a store to check me out and made that "delicious" hand motion....I laughed. He must have been crazy or blind, I thought. 

I always laugh. It's like my own terribly degrading inside joke. 

I cannot tell a lie

I cannot tell a lie...

Speaking as a person whose life is often controlled by food, I'd like to make a confession: 

This weekend, I let food control me, and I liked it...until this morning...

I had two "cheat days" this weekend. Friday was a wild ride through Toronto eating our way through the city all the way to an equally delicious NEW KIDS ON THE BLOCK concert...My childhood came to full culmination as I drooled along with thousands of other women while Donny Walburgh ripped his flimsly shirt off his cut chest...

*ahem*

Sunday was my second "cheat day" - second verse, worse the the first. 

I have about one day of grace when it comes to wheat consumption. If I refrain from eating wheat for a whole week I can usually manage one day of indulgence before my stomach revolts. So when I ate a hot dog and some toast and a beer on Friday...that was my day. Sunday was full of more wheat, more indulging and BOY did I notice this morning when I woke up. 

Alright, so what's your point Alicia? 

A huge part of making lifestyle changes is recognizing patterns and breaking them. (Recognizing is hardest because "truth" is hard to live with, knowing the truth requires us to act)

Pattern: Eating TOO much wheat and getting a tummy ache
NEW pattern: Sticking to ONE day - instead of two

Pattern: A 2 day cheat weekend makes it even harder to re-commit on Monday
NEW pattern: ONE cheat day - minimal "cheating" (Fries and beer are my weakness)

Alright, so it's out there. Today is about breaking old patterns, and I sure can't do it alone. Let's tell the truth - even to ourselves and MOVE FORWARD! :)