UPDATE!!!

So it's nearly been a month since I announced our FALL FITNESS CHALLENGE!!! I have to say, things are going better than I thought. 

The first week into the competition was awful - a lot of the same garbage I was up to in August (laziness, eating whatever I felt like, depressed nights, over-wheating) It wasn't until the second week that I really picked myself up and decided to actually give it a go. 

So far, I've had some good days and some bad. I've really been working on not giving in to the part of me that wants to just shut down at the end of the day. I realize I wasted so many hours just sitting around feeling bad for myself and that's not ok no matter how you paint it. So even on my red star days I'm working to stay positive. 

Keys to success
1 day at a time: The nice thing about assigning yourself a star for each day is that it really reinforces that EVERY DAY IS A NEW DAY. I might have gotten a red star today, but I can still get a gold star tomorrow. 

Track, track, track: I know I'm more successful when I'm tracking everything I eat. As I mentioned in an earlier post MyFitnessPal is such a great app for that. It's mobile, it's detailed and it's EASY. When I get the craving to drive-thru instead of eating from my cupboards or going to the store, I pull out my phone and type in "McDonalds" to the search bar (MyFitnessPal's users have created a really detailed list of foods that include everything from the good to the bad and even the ugly). When I type in McDonalds and see that a Big Mac Meal with a diet coke is nearly 1000 calories....I can talk myself down WAY easier - because I don't have 2 hours to jump on the elliptical tonight, and I've already eaten half of my calories for the day. 

Scheduled work outs: I have the benefit of teaching classes 2-3 times/week and 3 gyms I could use for my work outs. Regardless of your limitations or accessibility I can't stress enough PLAN YOUR WORKOUTS!!! Set a date with yourself - I'm going to walk for 1 hour tonight, I'm going to do 100 pushups this morning, etc. 

Plan Ahead: If I didn't pack my lunch the night before I would hit up a fast food restaurant every day....I know this, because I lived that life for a couple of months (I was both poor AND chubby...so depressing). Plan it ahead and make it good. Plan for one thing you look forward to every day. I've been putting two pieces of lindt chocolate bar in my lunch every day for that - "UGH" moment of every day. A little chocolate goes a long way when it's so delicious, and because there are only two pieces in there, I only EAT two pieces. :)


SUCCESSES: 
1. 4.4lbs down!!!
2. One of my class participants that I haven't seen in a couple of weeks approached me at the gym last night and was wildly (and unexpectedly) complimentary of my "progress" - this was unsolicited btw. Thanks to his positive vibes I hit up the elliptical for an extra 10 minutes - it all counts!

Progress to date - Looking a little golder ;)

Fall Fitness Challenge!!

So a few ladies around the office (and many ladies AND gentlemen in my life) have been aching for a change lately. Not just that, aching for some motivation, some accountability, and some fun...

So I've decided that September will begin my FALL FITNESS CHALLENGE!!!!

What does it mean? 

For the ladies who will join me from the office it will mean a daily ranking system determined by the following: 

1. Physical Activity - SOME kind of physical activity. Goal:  30 min per day, get your heart rate up and/or get a bit sweaty. 

2. Eating Healthy - A GOOD effort to eat within your calorie needs and eat good-for-you foods like fruits and vegetables, lean proteins and whole grains.  Goal: 1200-1500 calories (depending on body size and goals)

EASY right? 

Maybe...

We will rank ourselves by a star system. 

GOLD star - Both Physical activity and Healthy Eating goals were met for the day!

GREEN star - At least ONE of those goals was met
RED star - Not a great day overall...but tomorrow is a new day!

I'm thinking that in order to be effective, this challenge will run between September-December. It's way easier to live a healthy lifestyle if the people around you are doing the same. 

What's the reward?? - Longevity, Health, camaraderie, habit forming behaviours...BUT I'm thinking in the end a day at the Spa would be nice too...More on that later. 

SO, would you like to join us? Print yourself out a Microsoft Word Calendar, get some stars...OR just use a pen and some pictures (Grinning face, smiling face, frowning face?)

You've got 5 days to decide...are you up for the challenge? 

Reflections from the bottom of the pit

I ate icing with a spoon last night. 
I searched my house for anything else terrible and gluttonous that I could follow up the icing for (thank God my cupboards are full of health food)
I played video games for 3 hours instead of leaving my house or calling up a friend.
I used a headache as an excuse to skip out on running group or any workout. 
I allowed myself to feel fat and useless. 

I'm feeling defeated - but what else is new? 

I had lunch with a kindred spirit recently. We're all in this together. 
Hearing her story, hearing her speak of the battle - the SHARED battle - was good for my soul. 
Thank you Barb.

What do I know with absolute certainty? The way that we treat ourselves, the images that we allow "in" and the damage that we do to not only ourselves, but everyone around us is enormous. 

What else do I know?....I can't live there. You can't live there. We can't be angry forever - but we have to be something. Do something, discover something, something different.

Those images and messages affect us whether we rage against them or not. So how to I affect my own internal messaging? I need dig deep into the will power that I know I have. 

Does that mean I have to be skinny? Is thin the magic answer? 

When I lost most of my weight the first time around I was arrogant. I was a self-righteous, annoying bitch who just wanted everyone to know. I made people think it was easy, I used my "thin-ness" to get things I knew Fat me couldn't have...I was also delusional. 

I believed that being thin would change me. That's why it did. I believed that when I was thin I would be okay, and I would stop struggling, and life would be better. 

25 pounds later I realize thin does not equal easy, and it's not getting easier. 
25 pounds later I understand more poignantly what the battle is about. 
25 pounds later I realize that maybe I've never been meant to be a size 8, but a healthy size 12 might not be so ridiculous to aim for.25 pounds later I wish I could gather together every woman and girl who believes she is too fat to live the life she wants and hold her until she knows that she is not a monster, she is not broken and she is better and stronger and smarter than any label, or judgement or bullshit that anyone puts onto her. 

So despite feeling defeated today, I push forward. Not to the magical "thin" Alicia that will finally be okay. 
I'm okay. 
I just need to accept it and live a healthy active life - for me. 

end rant. 

(but if you need to continue to rage on, do so here: http://kateharding.net/2007/11/27/the-fantasy-of-being-thin/)

Triumphant Return

We survived a week in the wilds! 

I have to say, it's weeks like this that remind me of why I do what I do. A group of 20+ youth hanging around and learning and growing...Makes me feel young and refuels my energy! It's more of a spiritual energy that is refuelled however, I'm EXHAUSTED!!!

I was able to get out for one good run with a fellow leader - Sebastian. We did a 6.5k "ish" run around Eden Mills and surrounding area. I was foolish enough to forget that the first 3-4k were all uphill, but the run ends down Ash Street in Eden Mills which is a beautiful tree lined shaded lane sparse with houses and nice and flat. The flat road was the best part, but I was worn out from those hills. By the time we made it back to the cabin my running buddy experienced a back spasm and I was nauseous from the heat. We were quite the pair, but we made it! 

I offered our campers the option of doing a work out every morning, sort of a boot camp style "class" and they were so excited (much to my surprise). Both ladies we took along with us were athletes, taking part in either Hockey or Ringette. As an example of just how naturally athletic they were, at the end of the week I handed them some play-dough to play with during our lesson and they immediately created a ball which they used to play catch... So, true to my word I followed through with what we called an "Early Morning Fitness Challenge" and option offered up to anyone in the camp that wanted to participate. The incentive - the winner of each morning's challenge would be rewarded on Friday with ice cream for breakfast!!! (I realize the duality of the message, but c'mon, it's camp!) 

Sure enough, every morning I had a few youth get up and join me in the field at 7:15am  

Our challenge included a deck of cards, each suit had a different exercise attached to it:

(Hearts - burpees, Spades - Crunches, Diamonds - Triceps Dips, Clubs - Push-ups)
The number of "reps" were indicated by the number on the card:
(Aces, Jacks, Kings and Queens were all 10).
The Camper with the most cards at the end of the work out won. We warmed up each day with 20 jumping jacks and we finished our workout with a jog around cabin line field. 

The Friday morning breakfast ice cream was sweet, the company and the staff were all a delight, and yet I am happy to once again be sleeping in my own bed. This will be a tough week to get back into the swing because it ends in another 3 nights at camp! 

I hope everyone had a great week! 

Running Down a Dream

Hey Friends! 

Time for a bit of a check-in, hope your long weekends have been fantastic, It's been a gorgeous one! 

I'm off this week for an adventure at one of my favourite places in the world, Edgewood Camp. That means I'll be a bit off the grid for the week, so I won't be posting. One of the great things about being out at Edgewood is that there are so many long country roads to discover, so I will be taking my running shoes and exploring! Perhaps some pictures to come next week. Here's an oldie featuring my FAVE CAMP BABE Robyn!!!!! (forgive the picture of a picture) We were too hot for words those days...I believe this was some sort of "Nature" banquet perhaps? 

For all of you, have a great week and keep moving :)

A Positive Spin

I need to thank you. All of you. Those who read silently, and those who speak out. After my last post the responses were overwhelming, and so encouraging. I hate to dwell in the negative, and I'm so honoured to have such incredible friends and family members to help to drag me kicking and screaming out of what could have been a significant rut. Thank you. 

In light of my last post a dear friend emailed me via Facebook and shared a bit of their journey. I'd like to take a back seat on this post and let his story impact you like it did me. For those of us who generally see the glass as "half full" this may ignite something. Thank you so much for sharing. This has really shaped the way I've been thinking about myself and this journey this past week!

I've been fighting my weight every day for the better part of my life, and it's been a losing battle for most of it.

But I wanted to share with you a strange 'shift in mindset' that I've gone through recently.

A few months ago, my wife and I were talking, and we were talking about our weight loss woes. She said something that really got to me. I don't remember exactly what she said, but I'll paraphrase.

Me: I'm going to put a 'fat me' pic on the fridge to guilt me into not snacking. My Wife: How is that going to work? You don't respond well to negativity. Me: *pauses for a real long time, like a 'awkward silence' long time*

It was such a simple statement, but it is so wonderfully true. I do not respond well to negativity. Never have.

I know some people who feed off of negativity. They take it as a personal challenge, either to beat themselves or someone else. I'm not saying that negativity makes me run into a corner and cry to sleep, but I generally just 'filter' it out. It's almost like I just ignore the negative stuff.

So yeah, the more I thought about it, the more I realized that I've been fighting my battle with my weight with the wrong weapons.

I put up 'fat me pictures' and weigh myself all the time and say "only 10 more pounds". I guilt myself into not eating. I look in the mirror and lament that it's not happening fast enough, and I critique myself when I'm not keeping up with some arbitrary standard. All this sucks. It just doesn't work for me.

So I'm changed how I look at things. I'm looking at the other side of the coin. It's change in attitude that reflects my normally optimistic attitude. I'm an optimist in almost every sense of my life, except for my weight battle. Time for that to change.

Instead of fighting my weight by looking at how much I have left to go, I look at how much I have done. I put up pictures of 'skinny me', and I put up pictures of my wife and son, to remind myself that I'm doing it for them as much as me. I even put up a picture of a 'StarFleet uniform' reminding me that If I really wanted to be a 'Star Trek' character, I need to be 'fit'. It's weird. I know.

My favourite part of that story is the last line. Fellow Geeks and Nerds unite!

So many thanks for your kind words and encouragement. I hope that you are encouraged as well, we're in it together, and no battle is won alone! :)

Happy Long Weekend Friends!

A Nerdy success picture! Here's to the next few pounds, we're doing great!

Yeah...she could stand to lose some weight...

SO I have to say, I've been debating putting this on here...but I think it's important...and I'm totally pissed...so I might as well share my misery! 

A good friend of mine and I occasionally get together in the midst of our busy lives to fit in a joint work out. It's way more fun to run your ass off with someone else than try to kill yourself on your own (although I do that 4 more times in a week anyway)...So we did, as we usually do. This dear friend shared details from an earlier conversation she had with a co-worker that shocked me.  It went like this (I assume some details as I was not present at the time):

Hey "friend of Alicia" what are you up to? 

Hey "seemingly friendly co-worker" I'm just about to go workout with Alicia. 

Oh, that's good, she could use to lose a few pounds. 

WHAAA!?!?!?!?!?!?!?!?!!? 

Some thoughts that come to mind: 
1. WHO ASKED YOU (insert terrible, slanderous cursing here)
2. You're really not one to talk (I could say some hurtful things here, but I really just don't think ANYone is one to talk about another person like that...)
3. You're a grown assed adult (we're not even talking 20 year old jock asshole, this is a full blown 45-50 year old man ...)
4. You don't know me, you don't know what I've been through, and you are not ME so you could not possibly understand what it means to be me fat, skinny or otherwise. 
5. Why would you say that to someone who was clearly my friend...did you really not think that it would get back to me? 
6. WHY can't I stop dwelling on this stupid comment?
7. Why would you say that to ANYONE????????????????

Okay, horse is dead...

I knew my weight has gotten bad...I just didn't realize it was THAT bad. I feel pretty hurt. 

There are so many things I'd like to say here. 

1. I'd really like to help more people understand what it feels like to look down every day and see a roll around your gut that makes you feel like a failure and less of a person. 
2.  I'd like to help people understand that not every person who is overweight has just given up on life and lives on the couch eating bon bons...it's a journey not a cruise. 
3. I wish that people (AND ME TOO) could understand that it takes TIME to lose weight. I'm fitter than I was 2 months ago, but it's not instant and I should not be made to feel bad just because I haven't hit the size 2 mark yet. 
4. I wish I could explain to people how very difficult it is to lose weight when every day you look in the mirror and think, this doesn't fit, I'm not there yet, I'm never going to be there. 
5.  I wish people could understand what a struggle it is to look into the world every day and see people who appear care free and naturally "thin" enjoying a life of over-indulgence and not appearing to pay the price (advertising, facebook, television, you name it)
6. Mostly I just wish that stupid people would keep their stupid mouths shut, but I'm afraid this would be a pretty quiet world if that was the case. 

I have a lot of feels. 
So that being said, we had a great workout tonight. Powered by the self-important fuel from some stupid asshole's big mouth...I'm stronger than he thinks.