HA HA HA...okay, I lied

What the heck are those voices in my head anyway? Maybe you can help me identify the culprits, here's what they say: 

"You didn't cheat enough on Friday, now you REALLY need to cheat - YES that cheese, YES those chips, NO SALAD!!!! You're cheating, do it right, you may never get to eat fries again!" 

"Are you REALLY gluten intolerant Alicia? Or is it in your head? Don't you want to test it out again...just to make sure?"

"Well, now you've wasted a whole weekend cheating, you've likely undone all of the hard work that you did last week within two days - might as well make it a third. Mondays suck anyway"

"You're in a HURRY! McDonalds is your ONLY option!!! GO GO GO!!!"
(side note: I ate there 2 times yesterday, GROSS!)

Not long after those voices die down yet another one makes it's way into my head: 

"See, I told you you couldn't do it. You look the same, nothing has changed, just give up already" 

That last one is the hardest to hear. Despite losing 70 pounds I still don't fully BELIEVE that I can lose another 20...stupid right? I feel like even at my fittest I was still "fat." I feel like I can't ever truly shake that feeling of being the "fat girl."  I weighed 165lbs a few years back, my lowest weight. I was a size 10 and looking back - I looked HOT. A little old Italian man stopped me once when I was on my way into a store to check me out and made that "delicious" hand motion....I laughed. He must have been crazy or blind, I thought. 

I always laugh. It's like my own terribly degrading inside joke. 

I cannot tell a lie

I cannot tell a lie...

Speaking as a person whose life is often controlled by food, I'd like to make a confession: 

This weekend, I let food control me, and I liked it...until this morning...

I had two "cheat days" this weekend. Friday was a wild ride through Toronto eating our way through the city all the way to an equally delicious NEW KIDS ON THE BLOCK concert...My childhood came to full culmination as I drooled along with thousands of other women while Donny Walburgh ripped his flimsly shirt off his cut chest...

*ahem*

Sunday was my second "cheat day" - second verse, worse the the first. 

I have about one day of grace when it comes to wheat consumption. If I refrain from eating wheat for a whole week I can usually manage one day of indulgence before my stomach revolts. So when I ate a hot dog and some toast and a beer on Friday...that was my day. Sunday was full of more wheat, more indulging and BOY did I notice this morning when I woke up. 

Alright, so what's your point Alicia? 

A huge part of making lifestyle changes is recognizing patterns and breaking them. (Recognizing is hardest because "truth" is hard to live with, knowing the truth requires us to act)

Pattern: Eating TOO much wheat and getting a tummy ache
NEW pattern: Sticking to ONE day - instead of two

Pattern: A 2 day cheat weekend makes it even harder to re-commit on Monday
NEW pattern: ONE cheat day - minimal "cheating" (Fries and beer are my weakness)

Alright, so it's out there. Today is about breaking old patterns, and I sure can't do it alone. Let's tell the truth - even to ourselves and MOVE FORWARD! :)

Looking For a Connection...

Hello all you friendly folks! 

I don't mean to sound terribly positive but today is a good day. A fantastic day even!

Today I said no to pizza
Today I woke up at 5:30am and went to teach a cycle class - that's 410 calories GONE! 
Today I ate completely gluten free
Today I decided to log my progress on MyFitnessPal again (Thanks to a friend who has been working hard since Christmas and has lost 30 POUNDS!!! - Thanks AG!)

SO now, I'd like to challenge you smart phone users to DOWNLOAD THE APP!

It's free - so I'm not asking you to sign your life away. 

Q: What's so great about it?
A: MyFitnessPal lets you set a goal and track your calories in and out every day at a pace that will help you to reach your goals! You can log everything you eat, scan barcodes, search items...it's SUPER helpful, and it's free. 

Q: What if I don't have TIME for that kind of thing - it sounds like a lot of work!
A: You're right. To log every day would mean that you would spend probably 5-20 minutes (depending on your proficiency) logging what you eat. But I would argue that without actually taking the time to at least write down what you eat for a whole week (snacks and cheat days included) - you probably don't know how much you are REALLY eating. 

It's so easy to casually mow down on empty calories - in your drinks, in those little snacks or candies that you idly chew on while you're working, even hidden in what you might consider a "healthy" meal. 

Q: Anything else cool about MyFitnessPal?
A: YEAH! We can be friends and keep each other in check!

Seriously - Add me up abecker25 is my username. I'd love to see you on there, and hear from you! I know you're reading, I see my pageviews increase. So make the connection. Try something new. Even just send me a Facebook message to let me know you're reading! 

Have a fantastic day friends. Tomorrow is a brand new day and EVERYTHING counts, let's clear the slate together :)

This is where I stand - All the juicy details

I am totally fine (not even always begrudgingly) with plugging away at a reasonable weight loss and lifestyle change. Every day I think about what I’m eating, make good decisions, look for opportunities to be active and participate in fitness related activities…I work HARD at moving at an achievable pace and making it stick.

But I’ll be damned if every other radio ad and every other conversation, and every other flashy billboard I drive by doesn’t try to convince me that there is a faster, and easier, a BETTER way to do weight loss.

I’m firmly NOT a believer in those quick, “Dr. approved,” NEW craze diets: The pills, the soups, the shakes, the SUPER fruits, the quick cleanses and the HUGE drain on your wallet that leaves your belly empty and your heart broken.  I don’t believe that we have been living in the dark about health and wellness, and we’ve suddenly stumbled upon something simple we NEVER THOUGHT OF BEFORE!!!!WHEN they work – and many do – they have the same kind of longevity that you put into starting them…SHORT TERM! It’s bologna, and believing in the bologna only perpetuates the problem, inflates the market, creates demand and fosters even more junk that pours out of the mouths of semi-professionals who have an internet degree in bullshit.  

Do you know what works?

Eating clean: Lots of veggies, fruits, lean proteins, and moderate carbs, cut back on those sugary, white, junky foods (think half of what you eat right now – make it reasonable)
Eating enough: Eating complex carbohydrates with every meal to sustain you, eating small healthy snacks throughout the day to avoid the big binge, eating enough of the things that are good for you so that you’re satisfied…and regularly indulging in things that are bad for you (IN MODERATION) so that you don’t feel like you’re missing out.
Being Active: MORE active than you are right now. Don’t work out – try 30 minutes of walking 3x a week…I guarantee that if you do SOMETHING more than you are doing right now and maintain consistency you WILL see a change. If you do NOTHING – you will see NOTHING.  I know you’re busy. Make it work – Walk, jog, gather some friends, do it while the baby sleeps – just do it. You will never regret that extra 30 minutes of activity (no matter how tired you are), you will always regret not doing it.
Being Smart: Don’t be charmed by the masses of people around you who will try to convince you that you are doing it wrong. It is SLOW GOING, but it is SO worth it, and it is YOU who are doing the work.

IT IS YOUR SUCCESS!!!! – Not the success of Jenny, or Bernstein or African Mangoes…

IT TAKES TIME!!! – Don’t be discouraged. Progress can take up to 4 weeks before YOU notice, 12 weeks before anyone else notices.

We’re in it together. Take it from me, there truly is strength in numbers. I need you, you need me. Health and Fitness are too important to do in a vacuum. This is your life. How do you want to live it?

But he kneads me!!

Hey guys and gals, 

I had a great day today! Didn't totally take a nosedive on the healthy eating, had a couple of opportunities to work out (both of which I took...), and even got a bit of a nap this morning. Whaaaa???? When does this happen? (It happens when nothing else gets done, that's when. My laundry is piling up and my house is a mess. If it weren't for Eduardo's superior morning productivity, we would be living in squalor). 

So today I'm posting my foods. Out in the open, no lies, no hiding anything. Just posting. 

As I was drafting this post whilst sitting on my couch, my baby cat (Gimli, or Zazzles - depending on which stage of life you met him at), climbed up - as is his typical practice - to cuddle in his very special way. He finds the softest, squishiest part of you and starts kneading until he dozes off. The little jerk doesn't realize it, but he's in the business of tearing down the old self esteem. Abs of steel you ask? "No," Gimli replies. "These abs are really soft and squishy!" On the other hand, at least he loves me for who I am...squish and all ;)

GIMLI NOMS!!!!!!

Alright, enough banter already - Here's the old sin list (note that I don't count veggies or fruits as calories - those are too good to count): 

Breakfast: 
1 Glutino English Muffin 160 Calories
2 slices Pillers Breakfast ham 60 calories
TOTAL: 220 calories

Lunch: 
1 Glutino English Muffin (pretending to be a hamburger bun) 160 Calories
Home made Chicken Burger 180 calories (approximately)
1 Medium Potato Baked with 2 tsp. Olive Oil 220 Calories (approximately)
TOTAL: 560 calories

Snack #1: 
Rice Crispy Square (courtesy of Norris Bakery and my co-worker Beth!) A GAZILLION CALORIES 

Snack #2/first supper: 
1 cup cherries (FREE!!!)
6 Mary's Crackers 70 Calories
Sliced Cheddar Cheese 150 Calories
TOTAL: 220 calories

Pre-Run Snack: 
1 banana (FREE!!!)

Post-Run Snack/second supper: 
1 small can of sweet chili tuna 160 Calories
1 1/2 cups romaine lettuce (FREE!!!)
TOTAL: 160 Calories

1 Super Frosty Ice Cream Bar - Chapmans 170 Calories

TOTAL for the day: 1330 Calories (not counting the huge number of calories that were likely in that delicious rice crispy square)

Workouts: 
6:40am - Group Power Class (1 hour - Barbell class)
8:00pm - 3km run (30 minutes = 1 zombie mission)

BAM!

The Zombies are coming! The Zombies are Coming!!

So, I FINALLY completed my Friday goal...a quick 30 minute run around the track at Kaufman, while being chased by a zombie hoard of 70!!!! Zombie's Run for Android is my current favourite running motivator.

It should also be noted that SOMEone tempted me at the grocery store with a Nacho night some time this week and I said NO! I then told him (we will call "him" Eduardo) in a similar conversation, that he need not feel inspired by my healthy living, to eat healthier or get in shape because if he was fitter quicker than me I'd just fall into a deep depression and give up on life. 

Now.....ZOMBIES!!!

This Ain't Pretty

Alright folks - What you've ALL been waiting for....the photos. 

I'll start with a confession, we love confessions right? 

I didn't complete any of my goals for today. I'm lousy, I'm lame and I'm a little self loathing. No run - by the time I got home around 9 I had just finished off two cesars and half a gluten free pizza...Did  I want to run? no. Did I do all of this intentionally? Maybe.
Tomorrow is another day. 

Here's the real juicy stuff though. Pictures.

I need a bit of motivation and no one hates before an after pictures right? Now - I am no size zero - and I'm pretty okay with it. I am also not the same sized girl as when I modeled that hot little number...enough with the nervous banter Alicia, ON with it!

Here's the worst of the worst - This was really not my best: 

And then we move on to better days - the best of the best. Clearly I took more pictures of myself in these days - there are more of them :) 

Pretty drunk here - and pretty proud. I'd like to get back here or surpass this...can I do it? I know I can...but WILL I?