16. I don't want to get out of this chair.

So, for many years I have known that my environment really shows what is going on inside of me. For example, in school, I would have a relatively neat (though never spotless) room for most of the semester, until exams or papers were due, or something was bothering me...and then the mess would pile up.

I'm really good at ignoring mess too. Or avoiding it, maybe that's a better word.

Last night I came home from a movie and was putting the finishing touches on my children's message when I walked into my room...it was like I hadn't really SEEN it before that moment. There were clothes piled shoulder high on a chair, my bed had a stack of stuff on it, the floor was still visible, but cluttered around the "walking paths" there was a mix of dirty laundry and things to be filed lying around and nothing had a place. Immediately I became overwhelmed and gave in to my sudden urge to just lie down.

So tonight I need to take care of my room. I realize that I'm not a "neat person" or an "organized person" but it would be nice to at least have a bit more order than I already do. I'll start with my room and then I'll move to my office, which (sans clothing) is in a pretty similar state.

Today I will not do a half-assed job. I will finish what I start.

This is the week of finishing well.

It's going to be a long week.

15. Another New Year....

So, I know I'm a bit late for the official New Years post. I did that on purpose. Mostly because I think New Years is great, but it feels a bit "band-wagon"-ish. I suppose I should start thinking a bit about what this particular New Year will mean for me and perhaps setting some official goals so as to motivate myself to greatness?

Let it be known that I have no intention of having a "New Year's Resolution." That is not to say that I do not see the inherent value in setting goals at the top of the year, but I think that for the most part (sweeping generalization ahead) New Years Resolutions have a pretty bad rep. How many people each year make wide eyed promises to themselves and those around them and then forget about them entirely by March... I have been one of the many. As for those who can keep their resolutions, I am amazed. I have so much respect for those brave few. However, the pressure is too great, and I will not count myself among them.

So what does 2009 mean for me anyways?

Well first and foremost. This is my 25th year.

"AHHHHHH A QUARTER OF A CENTURY!!!!!!"

Moment over.

This means that I will be celebrating my birthday for an entire month this year, not just a measly week like some other years. I suppose my birthday celebrating will mostly still boil down to a week however, including some great partying and super awesomeness. (You may now make your way to the edge of your seats in preparation for your invites. :P Oh, and make sure to clear your March calendars).

Second. I am sick of being unhealthy. So I will be trying pretty hard this year to stop being such an idiot and start making good choices. (As I began last year with some success).

Third. I'd like to be even more intentional about my time. I'm starting to work on some scheduling stuff...like trying to maintain some sort of routine...shocking I know, but this whole doing whatever, whenever is getting old. Plus, Wal-Mart is no longer 24 hours, so what can I do at 2am? ? ?

Fourth. This one is two-parted. I think It's time for me to join a group of some sort, a regularly meeting group...AND/OR take a class/course about something I'm interested in....Who knows what I might choose....

Fifth. I will go to the dentist. (ew)

I think that's about it for my non-resolutions. Proclaiming them here does make them feel a bit more resolution-y, so we must not place too much on the certainty of ANY of them being completed....that would just be too much pressure....

Happy New Year all.
Hope you find something that makes you smile today :)

14. I'll be home for Christmas

So. Upon much deliberation...

I have decided to go home for Christmas. I mean, I had been planning to for some time now...and then there was a bit of a wrench...but anyways. Now that I have "made my decision" I feel a bit better. I was feeling pretty low about missing all the fun. When the wrench "situation" came upon me I thought I would only be able to be home for the 25th and 26th...which is not enough time when you consider the drive there and back as well as how much I like my family...so, instead I will be home from the 23-26th. (I know...two more days...)

That is what being a grown up is all about...making decisions you don't like and getting the rough end of the deal...oh and being fairly seriously in debt up to ones eye balls. That's what I've heard anyways....

But look at the bright side, Ryan's gonna make 5 litres of Egg Nog! :)

13. My life is a series of neverending sob stories...here's another

Day 1 Face vs. Baseboard heater
Originally uploaded by Alicia Becker

Alright. SO I thought I would include with this post one of the most UNflattering pictures I could....also to highlight the newest features on my face...note: enlarged nose with wall-burn and swollen lips.

Now, my nose is big enough as it is you say...well that's true...In order to tell the story of my nose I need to back things up a bit. So here it goes.

I've been sick for a little more than a week now...I've been coughing, had shortness of breath...read my last blog for more details.

Now... Sunday rolls around, by this time I've taken almost a whole bottle of Buckleys (in proper doses) and several Advil Cold and Sinus' I dragged my butt outta bed and went to church, had a great time at youth group (despite the medication wearing off about half an hour into a two hour long Killer Bunnies game) and then I drove home and collapsed on the couch for a few hours...under a big hot blanket.

Supper with the folks...ate a couple bites of pot pie...back to the blanket...then around 1:00am I started to get really hot...then there was some blurred vision and stumbling around followed by some nausea....(nope, blurred vision and stumbling did not seem to me good enough reasons to lay back down)

I stumbled into the bathroom and at 1:??am

***This is where time stops for me***

I woke up and became acutely aware of certain details...my nose was wet...and cold...and my face was pressed against something hard...and cold...I reached up to feel my nose and realized it was bleeding and that I was lying on the floor...I got myself up sobbing and sweating and feeling very confused and found my bed.

Then I did what any self respecting adult would do in a situation like that would do....I called for help... :) I am forever in Cheryl's debt.

I'm not sure EXACTLY what happened when I blacked out...somehow my face ended up in the corner behind the bathroom door...basically I did a face plant on the floor which may have included a face slide down the wall...I'm surprised I didn't break my nose...or blacken my eyes...

What ticks me off is that people all over, kids, teenagers and college kids pass out drunk all the time, and what do they have to show for it? A couple bruises and a hangover? I get SICK and pass out and I get...facial disfigurement! So it's worse than it looks I'm sure...I also bit a good chunk out of my cheek, mmmm.

So after the passing out and the continued rattling in my chest I decided to go to the walk-in clinic and get it checked out (my mom also told me it was a good idea)

...turns out I had "influenza" which triggered my childhood asthma...greaaaat....I wondered why I was craving puffers all week.... plus by the time I got to the clinic apparently my face was oozing puss because it was infected...greaaat....so I not only got two bloody expensive puffers...but I got some $20 cream for my face too! woot...

So here ends the sorrowful tale of pathetic Alicia and the swollen nose. Your pity is welcome...and monetary gifts are being accepted :P

Moral of the story: Listen to your mom. (and get your flu shot)

12. I have a number of significant illnesses

So, don't you hate that person who is always talking about how sick they are and how many things that are wrong with them? Like you care right?

So, after I worked out on Friday morning I was short of breath all day and then on the weekend my chest started getting tight followed by a slight congestion and a yucky feeling in my tummy like a churning sort of thing...Yesterday my head started getting cloudy and my nose was running, I felt flushed and dizzy...so I caved and bought Cold FX...then LATER in the day I caved AGAIN and bought BUCKLEYS!!!!

Self diagnosis: I'm dying
Only cure: (more cowbell?) Perhaps a good looking fictional vampire could cross my path and take me out of my misery? No? Well, I'll keep reading anyways and see if there's a possibility there.

Until then. Buckleys it is...mmm tastes like I'm swallowing pine needles and menthol...oh wait, that's what it is...

11. Green is the new...oh whatever.

So speaking of adventures in fooding.

I was browsing the interweb yesterday and I found a recipe for a smoothie...now, what you should know is, I have been on a health kick lately. I mean, I realize that most times these "kicks" are here and gone in a month, but I've been working out regularly for a little over a week and I'd really like to give this whole lifestyle change thing a go. So...smoothie.

The recipe called for SPINACH!

Okay, I like spinach, especially covered in butter and garlic...but of course, as a friend once pointed out, anything is good covered in garlic and butter.

So the spinach, because it is tasteless just turns the smoothie a pretty....or grimey looking...green colour. I also added half a banana, a whole apple (minus seeds and stem), a half cup of yogurt and a third of a cup of milk. Now, I don't love bananas...but the apples and the vanilla yogurt made this one for me. I would have to say on a scale of 1-10 in smoothie world, this one just for nutritional value alone would get a 9.2... no spinichy green taste, just apple and banana goodness. mmm....

SO TRY IT! GO GREEN!!!

10. I am not on my game

So, remember back in school when you were constantly thinking, re-thinking and evaluating your views? You were learning and reading and understanding things that were new, and being pushed towards a better self?

School's out apparently, and so is my ability to dig in. I feel stagnant and underwhelmed...

I bought a book about making disciples in youth ministry yesterday. When I was in the store I read a half chapter and I thought to myself, "yes, this is what I need to read right now!" When I got back to home base and started digging in, I realized that it was another book like many others that I've read...I need some stretching. I need some practical knowledge too, I've lived in the theoretical for too long.

Fake it till you make it? What happens if you never make it? When is it okay to stop faking and own up to your shortcomings?